


The Most Perfect RWBY Fanfiction Ever Of All Times

by HeyMrJack



Category: RWBY
Genre: Cringe, Other, perfection, work of art
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 02:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14966732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyMrJack/pseuds/HeyMrJack
Summary: Forget literally every single other RWBY Fanfiction you've ever read in your entire life. Throw all of that GARBAGE OUTJust read this.HeyMrJack introduces to you, The Most Perfect RWBY Fanfiction Ever Of All Times. "What makes this so perfect?" You ask, which is a good question dear reader!-AMAZING OC'S-AWESOME PLOT-COOL THINGS-EVEN MORE COOL THINGSI've convinced you, yes? Good, now read this amazing work of art.





	1. CHAPTER ONE: JIMMY TATERTOTTS

**Author's Note:**

> So real talk here, before you read this.  
> This is honestly meant to be a joke just poking fun at a majority of RWBY fanfics, nothing more. I don't wish to make fun of or insult anyone, it's all made just for shits and giggles. Please do not sue me. Thank you and pls enjoy reading.

**That's right, the most PERFECT RWBY Fanfiction Ever Of All Times has come to AO3, and boy I hope you little shits are ready for this work of art! Either way, I am glad that you're reading this, soon you will experience all forms of ecstasy just from reading this, that I can say. Enjoy the first chapter.**

* * *

 

Jimmy Totts was sitting down on his bed in his amazing 90000 dollar apartment. He was sad. Today was the day that his parents died a most painful, sexual, death. He then remembered… HE WAS GOING TO BACON ACADEMY! YEAAHHHHH!

“I have to go and get dressed!” Screamed Jimmy. He ran faster than the speed of light, this was due to the fact that one of his many over nine thousand semblances was sanic speed. He then looked in the fridge, and there he saw…. one chicken nugget.

 “Awww hell yeah,” Jimmy said as he took the chicken nugget, which was the size of Mt. Rushmore. Jimmy began eating it as fast as fuck boyyyyyyyy. He then ate it in like three nanoseconds. He then walked up back into his room, there laid his amazing collection of totally amazing consoles and flatscreens. (His parents were richer than Weiss Schnee) He then opened his closet, and there he saw his favorite attire. A black trench coat, a black condom, a black fedora, black sunglasses. All to fit his amazing personality. He then remembered something. Something very spooky.

 

  **A million years ago or some shit like that**

 

“Yo, KarJones Of The Fiftieth Reich!” Screeched JimBob Jones, as he got done having lots of sexual relations with the parents of poor Jimmy Totts.

“What, you fucking chipmunk?” KarJones said, as he ate Jimmy’s sixth birthday cake.

 “You wanna inject this poor innocent six year old with Grimm juice?”

  “Sure, why not?” Kar Jones responded.

 JimBob Jones and KarJones then took out a large ass needle and shoved it inside poor little Jimmy Totts. He screamed like a bitch so loud that he turned into a snail Grimm.

 “Oh my god, he turned into a fookin snail!” KarJones said. The two evil badmen laughed and Jimmy started crying in his Grimm snail form, and then unleashed two blasts of powerful energy FROM HIS EYES! The men then exploded

 

**Now…**

 

Jimmy stopped crying like a little bitch. He got off his ass, and he looked at the window. He had all one million of his things in one little suitcase. He then turned into a Nevermore cause of his amazing Grimm powers, and flew at super hyper sonic speed.

  


Professor Ozpinman sat in his chair. He had drank over two million cups of crappuccinos and was finally sleepy.

 “Ms. Goodwitch, is OPERATION:PLOW THE ROSEGARDEN ready yet?” He asked. Glynda Goodwitch turned around and sighed.

 “Ozpin, for the hundredth time! You have to die in order for that to work, and even then, that’s creepy!” Glynda screamed.

 “Dammit Glynda, I need this! Viagra doesn’t do shit anymore-” Ozpin spoke, until he was interrupted by a loud CRASH! Ozpin looked over, his amazing powerful cane in hand, and there on the floor laid a Nevermore.

 “What the fuck? I sprayed bug spray everywhere, dammit!” The Headmaster said. The Nevermore then turned into Jimmy Totts!

 “Ayyyy lmao!” Jimmy spoke.

  “Fuck are you doing in my academy?” The Ozpinman asked, cane in hand which could turn into literally every known thing that ever existed known to man.

 “My name is Jimmy Totts, and I was invited to join Beacon Academy for being soooooooo elite!” The young hero said.

 “Awww hell yeah, Jimmy Totts is here! Nevermind then!” Ozpin screeched

 “Sure, you can come in but you have to be launched into the EmoWood Forest and fight the Grimm!” The Headmaster said.

 “K,” Jimmy Totts said.

 

**Five Million Hours Later**

  


Ruby Rose and the rest of team RWBY sat in their desks. They were monitoring a super new elite new student!

“Oh my god, Weiss-Chan, can’t you believe we’re getting a new student?” Ruby screeched, she screeched so loud that it almost destroyed the entire sound barrier.

 “I wonder what he’s like, I wonder if his weapon is quite literally every single thing else, what do you think Weiss-Chan!” Ruby questioned. Weiss looked at Ruby, and she sighed heavily.

“Ruby?” Weiss asked, the heiress

 “Yes, Weiss-Chan?”

 “Shut the fuck up,” The heiress said.

  “K,” Ruby said, sitting down

  “Why isn’t anyone paying attention to me?” Blake screamed as she started shaking her friend, Yang.

 “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Beacon, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the White Fang, and I have over three hundred confirmed Grimm kills-” Yang stated, until she was punched in the face by Professor Port.

  “OK, listen up, students!” The man cried in rage.

  “You’re all going to watch this miserable MAGGOT fail his test, please point at him and laugh when necessary.” Port spoke. He then jumped into his seat, and the feed came up of the beautiful and very spooky, EmoWood Forest.

  


**AMAZING SONG THAT YOU’RE TOTALLY HEARING RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND: Dollar In The Woods Nightcore Version**

 

Jimmy Totts fell right through a million trees and hit the ground, hard. His face was covered in dirt, and he had shat himself while flying into the EmoWood forest.

 “Oh man, that kinda hurt a lot!” Squealed Jimmy in 420 degrees. Just then, an evil Beowulf came out of nowhere!

 “Grrrr, I am Beowulf and I hate humans because I am Grimm and I hate humans.” Said the very terrifying Beowulf with it’s scary red eyes and sharp fangs.

 “Oh yeah, well guess what bitch? I’m not afraid of you!” Said Jimmy Totts, and he turned into a Grimm Plane and nine elevened the fuck out of that disgusting heretical Beowulf! The Beowulf screamed in pain, as all of it’s limbs were instantly blown off.

  “Hell yeah, I am the greatest Huntsman ever of all times!” Screamed Jimmy. He then continued walking at the speed of the sound.

 

**_HEYMRJACK IS THE GREATEST FANFICTION WRITER OF ALL TIIIMEEESSS_ **

 

Professor Port was amazed by this student, he was so amazing, so.. so perfect!

 “Oh my god Professor Port, how did he just turn into a Grimm and nine eleven that Beowulf?” Ruby asked, screeching as loud as she possibly could with her “lovely” high pitched voice.

 “Yes, he just did! He just obliterated that Beowulf and destroyed it with his amazing powers! I have never seen anything like this at all!” The Professor said.

  “Oh my god, I want the new guy to have sexual relations with me right now!” Said Yang after smoking one hundred cigarettes.

 “Oh my gosh… I think I want to have sexual relations with this man,” Said Weiss blushing intensely. Blake was reading her one thousand page smut novel, while imaging every single guy and woman was Jimmy Totts, The Greatest Huntsman In The World. Ruby on the other hand looked at everyone, and using her intelligent fifteen year old mind, she asked one thing…

“WHAT’S SEX?”

_End_

 

* * *

 

**WILL JIMMY TOTTS GET HIS RELIC?**

**WILL TEAM RWBY HAVE LOTS OF SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH JIMMY?**

**WILL HEYMRJACK EVER BE A GOOD WRITER?**

**FIND OUT ON THE SECOND CHAPTER OF THE MOST PERFECT RWBY FANFICTION EVER OF AAALLLL TIMES!**

**(Coming very very VERY soon lmao)**


	2. CHAPTER TWO: NIPZO TEH EXTREMES

**Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to give you all the second chapter of The Most Perfect RWBY Fanfiction Ever Of All Times. I would like to put out the best reviews ever. These reviews are TOTALLY legitimate by the way, if you disagree, you’re fucking wrong.**

**“This is honestly the greatest thing I have ever seen, Jimmy Totts made me cry the most manliest tears ever.” -CornOnAJacob** ****  
**“Jack please take me right now, god I want you’re amazing writing talent in me this very second.” -Dakotaco** **  
** **“This is amazing.” -Guest**

**“The writing of this fanfiction tops the Bible.” -Some rich guy you should listen too**

**“MRJACK UPDATE YOUR FANFICTIONS YOU FUCKING LAZY ASSHOLE AND STOP ATTEMPTING TO BE FUNNY!” -HeyMrLoser**

**Anyways, that’s all the reviews, I also have a special announcement to make after this chapter ends.**

 

* * *

  


Everyone looked at Ruby, who had probably asked, the dumbest question ever.

 “Ruby, you’re fifteen years old.” Weiss said.

  “But what’s sex!?” Ruby asked.

  “Yang, has Ruby not even had sex-ed yet?” Blake exclaimed.

  “No! Ruby is a cute and innocent small child, she shouldn’t know something important or whatever!” Yang responded. Port then proceeded to throw a jug of milk at the blonde brawler.

 “Quiet, maggot!” He shouted. Team RWBY then eyed the screen, literally their eyeballs were stuck to the projector, and they began watching Jimmy Totts go on his legendary quest.

 

**_HEYMRJACK IS THE GREATEST FANFICTION WRITER EVER OF ALL TIMES!!!_ **

  


Jimmy Totts walked through the very spooky, Emowood Forest. He had gotten done nine elevening an evil Grimm man as well.  

 “Jee wizz, this forest sure is spooky!” Jimmy said as he continued strolling about, and then he saw it… probably if not one of the most beautiful things in Remnant, other than himself of course.

 It was a DIAMOND horse chess piece. That’s right, it wasn’t gold. It wasn’t silver. It was mother-fucking diamond.

 “WOOOAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” The shocked Jimmy exclaimed. This was freaking perfect, if anything he should take this chess piece, leave Bacon Academy and sell it for a sum of 1500 Lien and proceed to purchase a large copious amount of drugs. As soon as he was about to take it however, something even more terrifying than the evil grimm man that he had just got done nine elevening five minutes ago… it was a WereGrimm!

 “Grr I am WereGrimm man, and I can also speak!” Said the WereGrimm. This monstrosity scared Jimmy very much, the creature of darkness looked like a mix of a braindead child and Sonic The Hedgehog in his Werehog form.

“Give me the diamond horsie!” Said The WereGrimm.

“Heeeelll nah! This is mine, yem yem!” Jimmy said, and with that he turned his weapon into one of the most dangerous things known to man… a plunger.

 “I’m gonna kick your ass!” The huntsman in training cried, and with that he was off, he smashed the plunger into the Weregrimm and sent the beast flying into a tree, however it managed to catch itself and rebounded off of the tree and flew at Jimmy, and it scratched his face!

 “Nooooooo! My beautiful face!” Jimmy screamed in pain, clenching his face.

 “Once I kill you I will have lots of sexual relations with many wumens in Bacon!” The WereGrimm said.

 “No! NOT THE WOMEN!” Jimmy said, and he began thinking of all the women whom he somehow met in between the first and second chapters.

 “Yes, the wumens AND THE CHILDREN!” The WereGrimm roared, and then laughed. This made Jimmy angry, and he had tried everything with his plunger. But soon, a voice spoke into his mind.

 “Take my unyielding power, and you can beat up the evil WereGrimm.” It spoke, it’s tone was very calm and it persuaded Jimmy as soon as he heard it.

 “Who are you?” Asked Jimmy.

 “I… I am Nipzo, Ozpin’s twin brother. FROM UTTER SPACE!” The voice said. Jimmy Tott’s body was soon filled with this strange overwhelming power, and as soon as he felt the power coursing through his veins, he only moved his hand once and the WereGrimm was soon force pushed into the dirt! Jimmy soon used his new found powers and threw the WereGrimm into the air, and he proceeded to run at the beast of the night and uppercut it so hard it hit Remnant’s moon, breaking it again and then it came flying back to the ground. Jimmy had done it, he had beaten the evil WereGrimm with his newfound powers. He then took the diamond horse.

 “I did it!” Jimmy cheered. He then began running at the speed of sound, but the voice of the WereGrimm cried out.

 “Please halp!” It spoke. Jimmy turned around and saw the WereGrimm, turning into a human. He had long silver hair, and wore a red trench coat.

 “Oh man you turned into a human!” The huntsman in training said.

 “Yes… my name is Vante Echo, and some evil witch gifted me the semblance to turn into a WereGrimm, but in doing so I lost my mind!” Vante said.

 “Wowwww AMAZING!”

 “It was amazing yes, but again it warped my mind. However you defeated me, and I thank you for that. I can teach you things, yes, that I can.” The defeated man said.

 “What can you teach me?” Jimmy asked

 “I can teach you to be stronger than any Gary-Stu, and I can train you to a full edgelord!” Vante screamed.

 “OK, please teach me Vante!”

 

**_Much later….._ **

 

“Jimmy Totts! You have collected the diamond horsie piece! You can now join Bacon Academy with the rest of us!” Ozpin said.

 “Why thank you Mr. Ozpin!” Jimmy responded, shaking his hand, then left for his dorm. As he walked through the halls, he realized he had no dorm.

 “Oh jeebers!” He said.

  “Ohhh don’t worry Jimmy, you can have OUR dorm!” Shouted a woman with red hair and she wore a red cloak and was with other women as well.

 “Oh, OK!” Jimmy spoke. He then followed the girls to their dorm, on the dorm’s door there were letters which said “RWBY’s DORM”

 “What do you think of our dorm?” Jimmy? Asked Ruby as they all walked in. Jimmy saw four beds, all of which were somehow turned into bunk beds.

 “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….” Jimmy said.

 “I say we throw out all of the beds except for one,” Nipzo spoke

 “I agree, Nipzo!” Jimmy spoke, and he soon went to work as he busted the windows and began throwing out all of the beds, leaving one for himself. RWBY had no problem with this, as they watched in awe.

 “Wow, Jimmy! Your design skills are perfection!” Yang shouted.

 “Now if you excuse me, I must go to sleep! I have had a long tiresome day!” Jimmy spoke as he got into bed.

 “But Jimmy, where do we sleep at?” Weiss asked. Jimmy stared at all of RWBY.

 “I’ll sleep with ya, sweethearrttt!” Yang said as she smoked five hundred cigarettes at once.

  “K,” Jimmy said, as he soon picked up RWB and threw them in the closet.

   “GOODNIGHT!” The elite huntsman said as he soon got into bed with Yang, where they had lots of sexual relations

* * *

  


**_That’s the end of the chapter ladies and gentlemen! Anyways as for the special announcement, i’ll be on AO3 as well._ **

**_That’s it, and if you’re on AO3 reading this ummm…_ **

**_Hi?_ **

**_Anyways back to watching DMC 5’s E3 trailer again and again and again. Hope you all liked this lovely chapter._ **


End file.
